the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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