She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
