my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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