Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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