Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
