Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We got so high we made milksteak
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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