anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
