OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
