I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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