with your own penis?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh god it's open bar.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
