used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
