hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
