He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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