I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
