i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
