woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
