home. puking in laundry basket.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
