I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
