I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
