I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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