i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
