My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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