Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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