ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
