it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
