Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
A bitchslap is in order.
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