I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
