During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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