i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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