sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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