her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
