Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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