His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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