she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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