Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
