Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
