I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
