I hate all girls vehemently.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
