I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
