i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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