the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I believe in your delicious
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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