Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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