the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
