just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
