I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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