I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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