She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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