I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
