I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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