...so i touched it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
