Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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