remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
